Quaker Life

Quaker religious and family life differed somewhat from the English, Scots and Irish norms for the era. It was less hierachial than most. Children were cared for and socialized by the community at large, as well as by the family. Many times families even exchanged children in a unique system of fostering among Quaker families.

Quakers used less physical punishment for children than other groups in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. Children were still expected to obey and respect their parents, but the methods of discipline were less harsh than the will breaking practiced by the Puritans. Children were still trained in strict ideas of silence and subjection, but not physically beaten into submission of mind and body . Children tended to stay with the nuclear family well into adulthood. They left the nest only when they could be entirely selfsupporting.

Marriage was a more equal arrangement than in other groups of the times, with love being expected in the relationship prior to marriage. Quakers felt strongly, though, that marrying "out" of the sect was unacceptable. This rule was strictly enforced. Any Quaker who married "out of unity" would be disfellowshipped or "kicked out" of the sect. Their marriage rituals contained about 16 steps required for approval of the union. If either set of parents or anyone in the community objected, the union was unable to proceed “in unity." Marriage of close cousins was proscribed. This strict policy of enforcing marriage only within the sect caused a great loss of people to the denomination and eventually was no longer enforced. In many areas of Virginia, the sect died out altogether due to some members moving to other areas and other members "marrying out."

Quakers shunned outward displays in ceremony, whether in clothing or any other aspect of daily life. Though their marriage system was extremely complex, requiring many steps in the securing of the community permission for marriage, it was never showy. Quaker life in general was a sober experience. Quakers frowned on recreations usual to the times such as card playing, horse racing, bull baiting, cock fighting, and dancing. The Quakers would take a "drink" now and then, however..

The Friends practiced simplicity in dress. They "went plain" into the world. The cut of the clothes and the color were dictated and endlessly discussed. Wigs, then the fashion, were discouraged except very small plain ones for men who were naturally bald. Wearing lace or cut sleeves and other changeable fashions was strongly discouraged.

Women were expected to wear aprons when out in public, and never white ones, but blue or green, and never made of silk. Plain didn't mean "cheap" though, and affluent Quakers might wear their "plain" clothes made out of the finest and most expensive materials they could afford. In establishing their "non rules" they eventually formulated a strictly enforced set of "anti rules" that were as rigid as the "rules" they attempted at first to replace. They became, in the end, as unyielding as the "conventional" religions.

People had the same problems then with raising their children that we do today. A widely traveled Quaker named Edmund Peckover, who had traveled extensively through several Southern colonies before 1742, writes about the children of several families whose "ancient worthies" have died, "many of their offspring come very far short of them." He laments that "few even keep up the outward appearances." He says the offspring are "as gaudy and fine in their apparel as any who go under our name either at London or Bristol."

The Quakers allowed both women and men to preach, unlike other sects which taught that a woman should adhere to the Pauline doctrine of silence in church. Many of them also sought whippings, and even death, deliberately going into areas where they knew they would be punished for preaching.

The Quakers were the first Protestant religion to proclaim that you must have the "baptism of the Holy Spirit" in order to be saved. They would gather silently to their meeting, sitting quietly, meditating, until someone felt moved by the Spirit to speak. They were generally excluded from offices in government, even in the areas where they were not openly persecuted, because they would refuse to take an oath of any kind. There was one Colonial Governor who was a Quaker and advanced the cause of the Friends and exempted them from military [militia] service.

The meeting houses were plain and simple, with separate doors for men and women to enter. On Meeting Days, they would silently file into the meeting house and meditate quietly until someone was moved to speak. The speaker would then expound upon whatever the Spirit had moved them to speak about. The Swedish traveler, Peter Kalm, attended a Quaker meeting in 1750 and described it for us.

We sat and waited very quietly from ten o’clock to a quarter after eleven, finally one of the two … old men in the front pew rose, removed his hat, turned hither and yon and began to speak, but so softly that even in the middle of the [small] church it was impossible to hear…in their preaching the Quakers have a peculiar mode of espression, which is half singing, with a strange cadence and accent and ending each cadence as it were, with a half or a full sob.

In speaking, they used the formal "thee" and "thou," instead of saying "you," even after this form of address was not common everyday verbiage.

Honesty in business and hardworking industry were one of the hallmarks of the sect. The work ethic and discipline were part of the Quaker child's "do something useful" upbringing. If a Quaker intended to move from one community to another, he must pay his debts and settle accounts before he left. The community saw to it that he did so or he was not given a letter of recommendation to the next "Meeting of Friends."

Yet, with all these good qualities which made them good neighbors and good people to do business with, the Quakers were almost universally despised by the Puritans, the Presbyterian Scots Irish, and the Anglican, as well. [Fischer, Albion’s Seed, pg 419-603.]

Levi K. Brown wrote in 1875 about the settlement in Virginia. He said, “It was established about 1720 and was ...attached to Concord Quarterly Meeting, Pennsylvania." It was also called "Opekan" Meeting for the river on which it was located. The official "Meeting" was established in 1735. It was established by Friends from Pennsylvania who had already migrated to the Valley of Monocacy in Maryland. Alexander Ross had been granted about 100,000 acres. The "Nantucket" Quakers eventually moved to New Garden, N. C., about 1771, a generation later than our DILLONS.

The records of the early meetings held in Virginia were lost, so the only existing records are copies of those records found in Pennsylvania. In 1744, there were so many Friends in the area that the Virginia Meeting was divided, and "Fairfax" Meeting was established. Records for births, deaths, and marriages may be found in the Nottingham Monthly Meeting records for those prior to 1736. [Hinshaw, Encyclopedia of American Quaker Genealogy and Valley Quarterly Magazine V 5 June 1966, p. 209, Guilford County Wills, and North Carolina Marriage Indices.]

Though there were quite a few Quaker settlements in Virginia by the 1740s, Virginia was not as friendly to the Quakers as some other areas. Several families from Hopewell Monthly Meeting in Virginia decided to move into North Carolina about 1750. That part of Carolina was then called Orange County and comprised a large part of what is now several counties, including what is now Caswell, Person, Alamance, Chatham, and Orange, and parts of Rockingham, Randolph, Lee, Wake, Durham and Guilford. In 1771, Guilford County was formed and the DILLON's land fell within its boundaries. There was a Meeting of Friends called "Cane Creek Monthly Meeting" which was the parent congregation to New Garden. [Hinshaw & Albion’s Seed.]